Julie had a good doctor's appointment today, her 1 month. She's up to 9 lbs, 6.5 ounces, 21 inches long. Growing more and more! He also gave us a cream to start putting on her face twice a day for the next week to try and clear up her baby acne/dry skin. We'll go back next Monday to see how it's progressing.
I think we've about given up on the breastfeeding. Part of me is happy about that, and I believe that we have good reasons and that it's going to be the best choice for our family at this point. I'm not doing it enough to really even keep up the milk supply, either by pumping or nursing. I wasn't really nursing the first couple of weeks, because Julie was having latching issues, but the last couple of weeks, she's been doing better. Now, though, she's more slobbery, and it makes her slip off when she does latch. Then, once she gets past the slobber, she sucks so hard she gags herself and even makes herself spit up everything she's taken in. It's heartbreaking to watch. So I was pumping again to try and keep giving her the breastmilk. Plus, with the schedule that we keep in general, there are days that I'm out all day, and it'll be 8 hours or more before I can nurse her again. I'm not one of those people who will whip it out in public, and it's not always feasible to go away somewhere to nurse. It's been 2+ days now since I nursed or pumped, and I'm only in mild pain. I think it's a sign that I didn't have a high milk supply to begin with. At least Julie got a month's worth of the health benefits of the milk. I wanted it to help with my weight loss, too, but the last two weeks, I've actually gained a pound, so that's obviously not working either.
The part of me that's not happy about stopping the breastfeeding, though, feels like I'm deserting my daughter. I feel like this is something I'm supposed to do and that by stopping, I'm giving up. I know that it's not like I'm going to be starving her, and that there are plenty of babies who do just fine being fed on formula. Heck, I'm one of them, as my mom didn't breastfeed me for very long, and I turned out just fine. I think that I'm just overanalytical. By going to bottlefeeding, it gives other people an opportunity to bond with Julie during the feeding process. Jake can feed her. Grandma and Grandpa can feed her. I don't have to be SuperMom. There's a positive side to that. I need to just focus on the positive and everything else will fall into place.
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I'm thirsty.
15 years ago
Deciding to stop breast feeding was a difficult decision for me as well, but it was right for us. I was not a big producer and I was making myself a crazy person over it. Not worth it! You gave Julie an amazing start and she will be healthy and grow just as strong on formula. You are doing a great job with this whole new mom thing :) Julie is a lucky (and absolutely adorable) girl!
ReplyDeleteFirst off, you *are* Super Mommy because you're just a Super Mom. You've done eveything in your power to make sure that your daughter knows that she is loved and cared for. That will stick with her longer than anything else.
ReplyDeleteI just had this conversation with our lactation consultant about whipping one of the twins out in public. It's just not for me and I'm not ashamed to give Navy formula when we're out.
You gave it a whirl, which is more than a lot of Moms do anymore. Breastfeeding, either for physical or personal reasons, is not for everyone. Of all of the Mother battles you will have over the course of your child(ren)'s life/lives, please don't wage war with yourself. ;c)